How Love Lets Me Manage My Family, Myself, And My Misreadings

Being a mother in our modern age certainly isn't an easy feat. The days of stay at home parenting are long gone, and mothers are now expected to have a full-time career while also maintaining healthy relationships with spouses and children. And for me this has been a huge problem, as I am sure it is with many other working mothers. The fact of the matter is that taking care of a family and excelling in your career are both round-the-clock activities! Since we are expected to perform both of these feats, we undoubtedly have to restrict how much time we devote to each one. Of course, the more difficult of the two to justify to yourself is leaving your family for eight hours a day, working late on paperwork, or missing events like school recitals in order to give a client presentation. Nevertheless, this process becomes manageable because of one very key ingredient in the mix: love. 

For me personally, adjusting to motherhood was a struggle because it was all so new. I discovered a unique kind of love towards my children during my maternity leave, and this love strengthened my relationship with my spouse as well. This was such a happy time in my life and I remember dreading the return to my office. In reality the return to work turned out to be a very pleasant experience. I felt intellectually stimulated and loved the difference I was making in people's lives through my career. However, the feeling was bittersweet because I missed my family and felt guilty for not being around the show them my love the entire day. 

These feelings became so overwhelming that I began to be distracted in both my home and work life. There was one week I filed a report late because I couldn't stop thinking about the guilt and as a result I had to stay at the office late and miss my son's performance at a spelling bee. In that moment I knew something had to change. I wasn't just affecting myself anymore: the guilt was taking away love I could be giving to my family and effort I could be putting in at work. 

What I decided to do was get organized. I understood that when I was at the office, I would have to try to complete as much work as possible. Once I came home, I was going to show my husband and children as much love as I could muster. The results were surprisingly effective. There were obviously days I had to work a little later or do something extra in the house, but overall it forced me to incorporate my husband and children into more of my life rather than taking on tasks alone. For example, my children help me mash potatoes when we are making dinner or they dust the furniture when we are cleaning, teaching them responsibility as well as allowing for family time during the most mundane of chores. In addition, I began to teach them about my career in financial consulting. They don't understand much, but they love learning about what their mom does when she's gone from home (not to mention that my husband finds it hilarious when I try to explain economics to them). I feel that if they know the reason why I have to leave them or work late, it becomes easier to understand and accept. 

Above all I learnt about love. I tried to deeply understand its meaning, and how I could unconditionally impart it to my children. The key actually was doing just that. Unconditionally loving them and stop worrying about what I wasn’t doing. Love them always and let them know – for whoever and whatever they are and relax in that love. If I know that I love my family and that that is the most important thing then regardless of whether I’m with them all the time, or miss putting them to bed a couple of nights, if they know I love them then that is actually all that matters. 

Ultimately, balancing work and family life will always be a challenge. But it is one that can be faced extremely well if you do it with love as your motivation. Finding time for both aspects of your life forces you to stop separating them as rigidly, allowing your spouse and children into every part of your being and identity. Although it is difficult, I think showing your family a more complete view of who you are is showing them how much you trust and love them. 

Author Bio

Florence fiercely loves her children and didn’t know such emotions existed until she gave birth. Understanding the meaning of unconditional love and its importance has placed her in excellent stead to face the ups and downs of parenting. Reading the work of the Jeremy Griffith has been extremely helpful for her to understand the meaning of unconditional love.

 Image credit: kewl on Flickr